When you’re living life at 200 MPH, it can be very easy to forget the fact that you’re the reflection of your own experiences. Your past, your childhood, and your relationships are all part of who you are today, and the reason behind your actions.
The reactions you give to certain situations, the fear of commitment, and the seclusion you tend to prefer when life gets stressful: All stem from the traumas and thought patterns you’ve adopted since you were young.
And when we forget that, we tend to lose connection with ourselves, find no meaning in our actions, and wonder why we tend to feel scared when anyone tries to come closer to us. It’s not only about relationships too, but you might also carry the same set of doubts, second-guesses, and fears into your professional and academic life too, keeping yourself from reaching the goals that you set!
Most self-saboteurs find themselves in a closed loop that begins with avoiding important tasks due to conscious procrastination, second-guessing themselves out of taking action, and then feeling frustrated and disappointed with themselves for doing so.
That feeling of frustration then pours into other activities, causing them to always remain stuck in that loop.
That is what the concept of self-sabotage entails, how one stops their own self from reaching the goals or happiness they strive for, and the state of conflict that puts them in.
Where Does Self-Sabotage Start?
Self-sabotage is self-explanatory. It happens when your own thoughts, actions, and behaviors stop you from reaching the goals you had in mind, regardless of their scale or nature. You find yourself asking the same questions: “Why am I doing this?”, “What’s happening to me?”, “Why can’t I catch a break?” over and over again, and that’s where you realize that you don’t truly understand the driving force behind your actions.
Many people associate self-sabotage with impostor syndrome, which is where you constantly doubt the fact that you deserve what you have and the life you live. It tends to stem from a childhood where they were criticized, thus growing into harsh, critical adults.
Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging Without Even Knowing It.
Many people think that the main driving forces for self-sabotage are fear and doubt, however, another underlying factor is control.
Whenever self-sabotagers feel like they’re losing control, they tend to “protect” themselves by taking back control of the situation.
It’s very apparent in relationships, for those with a fear of attachment and abandonment, the self-sabotaging behavior can lead many people shutting their partners out, rejecting vulnerability, and in more extreme cases, cheating on their partners to have an excuse to leave them or to be left by their partner.
Another example lies in communication, as self-saboteurs tend to avoid direct confrontation and may choose to gain validation in more harmful ways, such as making their partner jealous or triggered.
In any case, you can see how self-sabotage has an element of control deep down underneath the layers of fear.
Self-sabotaging is an indirect way to regain a false sense of control when they’re operating purely on fear, and it can be seen in the form of unhealthy attachment, tricking themselves into doing things they don’t want, or “testing” others through manipulation.
This can also be applied to relationships and friendships, as most self-saboteurs find themselves doubting the authenticity of their friendships, and always assume that the other side views them as annoying, clingy, or overbearing.
How To Stop The Self-sabotage Cycle And Come To Terms With Your Actions.
The journey to stop self-sabotaging begins with acknowledgment. Many people choose to remain in denial and refuse to accept the fact that they could be the reason behind their lack of progress.
However, self-awareness initiates the introspection process, which allows us to identify our own toxic actions, thought patterns, and fears, which in turn helps us stop doing them and replace them with more positive actions.
Practicing positive self-talk is also a very important step in the right direction, as the most effective way of replacing negative thoughts is to echo what we need to hear in our own minds.
Closure And Your Next Step.
I hope this article serves as your first step towards a self-sabotage-free life and allows you to acknowledge the actions you’ve been consciously or unconsciously doing to stop your own progress.